Mo Goes…to Miami

I was accepted into a Leadership Development Program through work. The application process was harder than applying to college. As a part of this program, I've had to travel for a few weeklong sessions to focus on various leadership skills; I have to do a 3 month rotational assignment with a different Federal Agency, leading a major project; & I have to do a ton of additional trainings & reading.

Session 1 was in Washington DC, this was mainly an introduction to the program. We spent a week getting to know our cohort (about 25 people), we were told what to expect, what is expected of us, the main things we would learn through the program, & how to manage our workload with the program workload.

Session 2 was in Washington DC, Steven Gaffney came to talk to us about honest communication. We also took a couple different personality tests; we learned how to identify other people's personality types & how to manage & work with the different personalities.

Session 3 was in Washington DC & was a complete bust. For some reason, DC can't handle getting a small amount of snow. Literally, all of DC shuts down for an inch of snow. It's amazing because they seem to go through this every year, & they still struggle. Anyways, a few flurries caused this trip to be canceled while I was in DC. But, we did meet for one day & a speaker came to talk to us about dynamic email writing.

Session 4 was in Miami, FL. It went a little something like this:
Monday - travel to Miami, eat dinner on an oceanfront restaurant with the cohort.

Tuesday - in the morning, meet with NOAA at the National Hurricane Center to tour the facility & had a leadership discussion with senior staff. In the afternoon, meet with Florida International University's Leadership Program where we identified personal core leadership values & assessed the role those values play in leadership & decision making.

Wednesday - in the morning, we met with the hunks at US Customs & Boarder Patrol at their House of Pain (dubbed that due to all of their hard labor) to see tactical operations at the Seaport. It was amazing to hear the different stories of how people try to smuggle illegal things (mostly cocaine, but sometimes people, other drugs, cash, etc.) into our country. In the afternoon, we went to Miami International Airport to see baggage control, passport operations, and K9 demonstration.

Thursday - in the morning, we met with more hunks at US Coast Guard, discussing their role in hurricane season & toured marine operations. In the afternoon, we met with the Miami-Dade Police Department & saw their Emergency Operations Center - which gets stood up in a disaster.

Friday - we were supposed to meet to discuss a case study about Walmart's success in Hurricane Katrina, but some people (myself included) had to skip this day so we could fly home.

Miami was nice. There are far worse places that I could have traveled to for work. I got some awesome experiences, & saw some behind-the-scenes action that I wouldn't normally get to see. I work my ass off to be a part of this program, & I'm grateful for the experiences I had.

There are 2 more sessions, that will take place in Washington DC & Boston. Then, I graduate in Washington DC, where I present my rotational assignment project in front of 300+ Senior Executive Service government employees. No pressure.

Mo Goes…on many trips

My post about staying healthy while traveling had me thinking about all of my other travel tips. Obviously, this depends on how long your flight is, but for longer flights here are my traveling tips & carry-on must haves. Of course, my mother, who traveled every week for work for 25 years, claims she would cut 90% of this list, so you can adjust accordingly.

The best tip I have is: dress to impress. Yes, it sucks that you have to sit on a plane all day & it would be awesome to wear sweat pants, but avoid this if at all possible. Airport staff, gate agents, TSA are all going to treat you better if you are dressed nicely. Lose your luggage? Miss your flight? Canceled flight? Need to jump to the head of the security line? Want to upgrade your seats? Chances are you will get your way if you aren't dressed like a bum & you are nice to whoever is helping you.

Remember, most people don't work customer service jobs because they think they're fun - it's a hard job, their doing their best, their providing for their family…treat them with respect, no matter how stressful your travel day is.

Now, for my carry-on essentials. Before you have a heart attack at the length of this list, it all fits in a carry-on :)

Anthropologie Timurid Weekender - this is my favorite carry-on, even if I am checking luggage, I still like to use this bag for my on plane essentials. I just saw that Toms makes this Ikat Traveler Duffel - through the Toms One For One Campaign, proceeds from this bag will help provide a safe birth for a mother & child in need. I've also seen similar weekender bags at Target for far cheeper…just search around for what works for your price-point, but don't underestimate the benefit investing in a good quality bag.

Longchamp Le Pliage Large Tote  - I love this bag, it's the working girl's dream! It folds up nicely & is very lightweight…which is important when your lugging a bunch of stuff around. If I'm not using this as my purse, I always bring it in my checked luggage.

Travel pillow - yes, you feel like an idiot, but don't knock it til you rock it! They are comfortable, they keep your neck stable, & you can easily fall asleep. You can clip it on your bag so it doesn't take up any space.

Eye mask - trust me, if you're trying to catch some Z's on your long flight, an eye mask will go a long way & it takes up minimal space in your bag.

Ear plugs - I prefer to keep my sanity when I travel, which means not being interrupted while I sleep. I like these Helios Xtreme ear plugs. This is another thing that takes up minimal space in your bag. Side note: these are super cheap & come with 14 in a package, so I also like to bring an extra, unused pair or two for my whoever is sitting next to me - we're all in this together, if that crying baby or snoring dude is bothering me, chances are they're bothering whoever is sitting next to me…might as well spread the wealth.

Compression socks - no one wants kankles. Travel related Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) is a real thing & I am not looking to get blood clots in my legs following a long travel day in cramped conditions. I've read enough to convince me that wearing compression socks on flights of 4+ hours significantly reduces the risk of leg swelling & DVT. I either keep a pair in my bag or I wear them to the airport.

Scarf - I love my pashmina! It's large enough to wear like a blanket, or you can just wrap it around your neck. Temperatures on flights fluctuate a lot, so it's nice to have something to snuggle up with. Don't worry, you can find them all over with varying prices, from expensive to more reasonably priced.

Snacks - granola bars, almonds, fruit, tea bags, & frozen lemon wedges for my water once I get past security.

Airborne - there's nothing worse than being sick while traveling. I'm not looking to pick up any cooties while I am on my flight. I take a few chewable tablets throughout the day to mitigate any illness.

Water bottle - I am all about chugging water, especially on travel days! This Vapur water bottle fits nicely into your bag when it isn't full. It also clips on to the outside of your bag, if you're into that sort of thing.

Travel mug - I love my tea, so if I can fit it in my bag, I like to bring along my travel mug. It can also double as a water bottle, if needed.

Eye drops - my eyes are sick, I even went blind in my left eye for a period of time. I don't have time to mess around with my eyes when I am out of town, so I mitigate most eye illness by keeping them hydrated. Even if your eyes aren't sick, eyedrops are a great way to feel refreshed during a flight.

Glasses/Contacts - I always travel with my glasses on (due to my eye issues), but I keep a pair of contacts in my bag.

Lip balm - I'm a big fan of EOS…it's like butter on your lips! But, I think Burts Bees tinted lip balm is the most practical for traveling ladies.

Eye creme - I get major puffiness under these big brown eyes. Considering I might be meeting the man of my dreams on this trip…or more realistically, that I'll be taking selfies, I've got to look good. I like Benefit's puff off! 

Mints/Toothbrush - do yourself & everyone around you a favor by freshening up! Either bring along some mints, a mini toothbrush & toothpaste, or these single-use Colgate Wisps.

Headphones - obviously, I like to borrow my parent's noise-canceling headphones (since I am too frugal to buy myself a pair), but I always keep a cheap pair of earbuds in my bag, just in case.

iPad/Kindle - perfect time to catch up on House of Cards & Game of Thrones!

Phone - duhh

Chargers - don't worry, I've been there. If you forget your charger, the hotel's lost & found will typically have an abandoned charger that will work for your electronic devices. If not, it seems like every Walgreens or CVS sells them for about $10.

Camera - if you're traveling for fun, you'll want to capture your memories & document your trip. Phone cameras are wonderful & convenient, but sometimes your travels require a little bit more. I love my Canon Rebel DSLR, but it is not something I would put in a checked bag.

Booze - I'm not a boozehound, but I understand the desire for a beverage. Airlines charge a hefty price for an onboard cocktail. There is nothing wrong with BYOB - pack a mini bottle in your 3-1-1 for a mile high DIY cocktail. As long as it fits in your liquids bag, you're good to go!

Don't forget the important things - cash, passport, medications, itinerary, travel insurance, valuables, etc.

TSA actually has a user friendly website, if you have any travel questions.

Happy traveling!

Mo Goes…healthy while traveling

I travel a lot for work. My trips range anywhere from 1 night to 2 months at a time. Traveling can be fun & glamorous, but it can also cause an immense amount of stress & wreak havoc on your fitness goals. My friends always ask me how I am able to focus on my goals while on the road.

Here are my tips:

Pre-travel days - on the days leading up to my travel, I like to set my body up for a hectic week.

I prep myself by drinking over a gallon of lemon water & infuse my body with as many nutrients as possible…typically through green juices & salads.

For my mental health, I make sure that my condo is clean, my laundry is done, & that my suitcase is packed well in advance.

The day before travel, whether it be a flight or a long car ride, I make sure I get a good, long workout in. A lot of times this means 2-3 different workouts: 45-60 min of cardio, 45-60 min of weight lifting, 45 min of MMA, 60 min of Pilates, or 60 min of Yoga.

I also like to try to get 8+ hours of sleep the night before a long trip because traveling can be long & exhausting - even if you're just sitting on a plane all day.

Travel day - the day of travel sets you up for success for your whole trip, stay strong!

I am a sucker for McDonald's breakfast. That disgusting meal just satisfies me in a way that I am not proud of. They have mastered the syrup to water ratio in their fountain drinks (literally, there are books on it). It takes every bit of willpower in me to not stop there while I am at the airport. To combat this & any other temptation, I bring an empty water bottle & a ton of tea bags. I also pack granola bars, nuts, baby carrots, & a chopped up apple/pear in my carry-on.

Once I get to the airport, I make a bee-line for a cafe (usually Starbucks) to buy a fruit cup & I kindly ask them to fill my David's Tea Travel Mug with hot water. I also like to buy the biggest water bottle I can find. Side note: airport prices are ridiculous, but it ensures I drink a lot of water - I'm too cheap to let an expensive bottle of water go to waste!

While on the flight, I ask for more water. I try to drink as much water as possible. Get used to having to pee a lot.

Then, once we land, I fill up my water bottle with more water - either at a fountain, or I buy another large water bottle. & I chug.

During my trip -
Food - now, this isn't the easiest for me. There are trips I take where I have to eat out every meal with coworkers. Which means you are at the will of others when it comes to where you eat. My go-to meals are salads, grilled chicken, & lots of veggies.

I like to pack extra healthy snacks in my checked luggage (nuts, granola bars, tea) so that I can fill up during the day. I continue to try to drink a gallon of water every day.

Once, while in Bemidji, I ordered off the "Light & Healthy Menu" what was titled as "Chicken & Vegetables"...I thought it would be grilled chicken & steam veggies - that's light & healthy, right? Well, apparently in Bemidji, they do Light & Healthy differently. I received a country fried chicken with gravy, & 3 asparagus stalks. I asked the waitress if there was a mistake & there was  not. My point is…sometimes you're stuck with unhealthy options. Just do the best you can.

Exercise - this is where I excel. I always pack a 18 inch foam roller in my suitcase, an elastic loop band, & a workout DVD, so at the very least I get a good hotel rom workout in. You'd be surprised at how many hotels do not have gyms.

Hotel room workouts = 100 squats 50 side steps (left & right) with the elastic loop band, 20 pushups, 100 crunches, 30-45 min of a workout DVD, 15 min stretching, 10 min foam rolling.

I try to workout every day of travel, unless I have to work really late. It helps to break the workout into different times of the day - in the mornings, do the squats, side steps, pushups, & crunches; in the evenings, do the DVD, stretching, & foam rolling.

If the hotel has a gym, I do 30 min of cardio, 30 min of weights, side steps with the elastic band, foam rolling, & stretching.

Vitamins & Supplements - I might not be the best at taking my vitamins & supplements when I am at home, but I am religious about it on the road. As I am waiting to board my flight I take Airborne religiously - I keep a bottle of the chewable tablets in my purse.

Every day, I take a woman's multivitamin, an Iron supplement (I'm anemic), Fish Oil, Biotin, CLA before every meal, & Melatonin before bed (it helps adjust to sleeping in a different time zone).

Post-travel days - these days are crucial for getting back into your routine. I try to maintain my excessive water drinking & taking my vitamins/supplements. Sleep is far better in your own bed, so I make sure I get a good 8 hours in my first night home. Cleaning is important to me & my sanity is maintained if I immediately unpack & do laundry. & I make sure to get back to my gym as quickly as possible.

Happy Healthy Traveling! :)

Mo Goes...healthy

People are constantly asking me for healthy meal ideas, this always amazes me because my favorite foods aren't healthy at all - I love mac n cheese; everything taste good deep fried or wrapped in bacon; I'm regularly craving something sweet, crunchy, or salty; & I am perpetually battling my diet soda addiction.

With that being said, I do try very hard to live a healthy lifestyle. Including, cutting back on the booze, eating kale every damn day, busting my ass at the gym, & only drinking diet soda on "special occasions." Everything is about moderation & compromise. I think I do a pretty good job at sticking to the 80/20 rule - 80% of the time I'm super healthy, 20% of the time I treat myself. It works for me. Whenever I deprive myself of my favorite, unhealthy foods, I end up falling off the wagon & staying off the wagon for a while. Treating myself allows me to bounce back quickly.

I typically like to buy non-processed foods…anything that comes in packaging is as clean & close to real food as I can get - less than 5 ingredients & I know what each ingredient is. When I eat out in restaurants I treat myself (side note: not all salads are healthy, use caution).

If I feel like I need to jumpstart my weight-loss goals or if I'm too lazy to grocery shop/cook, I usually substitute 1-2 meals/day (for about a week) with a hearty protein shake.

Protein Shake:
1 cup water, a splash of almond milk, 2 tablespoons PB2, 1 tablespoon chia seeds, 1 tablespoon flax seeds, 1 tablespoon hemp seeds, 2 scoops protein powder (I like Isagenix) & sometimes a handful of berries

Otherwise, this is what my typical meal plan is:

Drinks: get ready to pee a lot! Bonus if you do 10 squats for every potty break
Throughout the day, I drink 1 gallon of lemon water
AND I usually drink 2-3 cups of green tea

Breakfast:
Muesli (this is my favorite breakfast) - 1 cup almond milk, 1/2 cup Muesli (can be found in the oats section of the grocery store), 2 tablespoons chia seeds, 1 tablespoon flax seed, & fruit.
Refrigerate overnight & enjoy in the morning
OR
2 pieces of Ezekial bread (can be found in the freezer section of the grocery store) with almond butter, 1 egg + 2 egg whites scrambled or hardboiled (depending on if I am eating on the go), & some fresh berries

Snack: I keep my morning snacks lighter than my afternoon snacks based on my schedule
1 cup of green tea with either 1 cup of fresh fruit OR 10 almonds

Lunch:
1 grilled chicken breast with 2 cups of steamed veggies
OR

Spaghetti squash with asparagus & spinach in sautéed in olive oil & garlic, with a little bit of feta cheese
OR
Turkey sandwich - 2 pieces of Ezekial bread, 3 slices of turkey, spinach, & some goat cheese. I usually pair this with either carrots, grapes, or Skinny Pop popcorn

Snack:
1 cup of green tea with either an apple or celery & almond butter OR a Bear Naked protein bar

Dinner:
Kale salad - a whole container of organic kale, sliced almonds, dried cranberries, a little bit of feta cheese, & either a vinaigrette dressing or olive oil with salt.

Enjoy & happy clean eating!

Mo Goes…on some bad dates

People love a good story about a bad date. During a girls night in with my Park Ridge girls, they encouraged me to write about some of my experiences. Here goes…

The Cheap Ass… 
There was this one guy who I reconnected with from college. He kept asking me out & I kept blowing him off for a few months, but finally gave in. So we make plans to meet on a Wednesday night, at a bar for a couple drinks. About 20 min before we were supposed to meet he texts me, "Hey, I was thinking about grilling some burgers tonight, did you want to come over?" Umm…what? I thought we were meeting at a bar for drinks? Was I confused? Was that a different night? Why aren't we sticking to the original plan? I replied, "Oh no, that's ok, if you want to reschedule that's totally fine." He said, "No, that's fine, I'll see you at the bar." This wasn't looking good, but I was staying open minded.

As I walked up to the bar, he was getting out of his car - drink can in hand. We walk into the bar together, & they seat us - drink can still in hand. Umm...what? This bar was not BYOB, why were they allowing this? Where was I? So we sit down & I order a drink & he orders an appetizer. We sat there, catching up, talking about our current lives, mostly talking about him. He didn't ask me one question about myself, which was different...but he just kept talking about himself, so I went with it. It wasn't necessarily a painful conversation, just odd.

The amazing thing was the information he chose to tell me, on a date - he valets only 16 hours/week & doesn't understand why he doesn't make a 6 figure salary, he didn't think you needed to work that hard in order to live luxuriously. I'm not even kidding. I explained to him that I work 2 jobs, about 60 hours/week, & I don't make 6 figures, I couldn't believe that he thought minimum work would lead to maximum dollars.

Then, he tells me about how he steals money from his valet company - he would valet cars, but not ticket them, charge the client the valet price, & then pocket the money. Perhaps this is a very common practice in the valet field, I don't know; I've gotten in cabs where they don't run the meter & pocket the cash I give them, so I figure this is somewhat similar. What amazed me was that he thought this was a good idea to share on a date.

It doesn't end there, though! He also explained to me how he steals from the grocery store. He would buy a case of booze or something & go to the self checkout, instead of scanning it, he would select that it is produce - bananas to be specific. Apparently a couple pounds of bananas are cheaper than a case of booze.

Real class act I was with, here. This lasted about an hour & we asked for the bill, I was ready to go. Once the bill came, he didn't even attempt to offer to pay for it. Now, I'm not looking for a sugar daddy, I'm fully capable of paying my own way, but not even offering to split the bill with me seemed offensive. So I paid for my drink & his food (I didn't eat any of the appetizer) & we left. I had no desire to hear from him again, but I did the following week! Want to know what he said? "Hey, I matched with your friend, Britney, on Tinder. Can you put in a good word for me? She's a total babe." Yea dude, I'll tell her all about you.

The Allergic Reaction…
So this was a third date with a guy that I was into. The date plan was I would go to his house, we would get dinner, & then go back to his place to watch House of Cards (season 3 had just come out).

Obviously, communication is an issue for dudes in their late 20s, or maybe I'm the crazy one, who knows… but, he texts me at noon saying, "Hey, are you still coming over after work tonight? I forgot I had a party to go to" Is he canceling or telling me that we are changing plans? I had no idea. I said, "I can be flexible with the evening, just let me know what you want to do or what time I should be there." I didn't hear anything from him until 6:30 (I was supposed to be at his house at 7), he said, "Yea come over at 7, we will get dinner & watch HOC" uhhh…ok, but I'm going to be late now, since you live on the far north side. But, I was looking forward to the evening.

I get there & he says he wants to get takeout from his favorite Thai restaurant (it wasn't that great). We get back & are eating & watching House of Cards. I noticed he kept itching his face, I asked him if he was ok, he said, "Yea, is it itchy in here?" Umm…no, that's not a thing!

His skin gets all blotchy & broken out in hives, his eyes start getting really swollen, & he was having a hard time breathing. I asked him if he had Benadryl. He didn't. I suggested we go to Walgreens, but he kept saying he was fine & it would go away. He was getting worse by the second, I felt I was reliving the scene from the movie Hitch, when Will Smith had a shellfish allergy.

Somehow I finally convinced him to come with me to Walgreens. He takes the Benadryl in the car & by the time we were back to his place, about a 5 minute drive, he was instantly better. The one downfall - he was high off Benadryl the rest of the night.

The 3 Minute Worker…
Remember how I told you about the Cheap Ass who only worked 16 hours/week & thought he deserved a higher paycheck? Perhaps I am the crazy one, because I recently went on a date with another guy who had a similar mindset.

This guy was a stock trader, which I don't know anything about. He was telling me that the previous week, he only worked about 3 minutes. THAT WHOLE WEEK. Apparently, that was a normal work week for him. He just needs a few seconds to look at his computer, make some trades, & that's it. Then, he has the whole day to do whatever he wants - drink, play skeeball, watch TV, whatever he wants. But, he did wish he had more money to play with. Well, homeboy, how about with all of that free time you get a 2nd job?

These are only 3 dates with guys who didn't click with me. I do have to admit, I've had far more good dates than bad ones.

Happy dating :)

Social Media Detox

I'm not really one for detoxes. I've tried a 3-day juice detox & I lasted about 10 hours. I sort of failed at giving up things for Lent & I went a Catholic grade school - the guilt is no joke. I'm really good at quitting things, unless those things happen to be something I really like. 

I was recently challenged to do a social media detox for one week. I completed 10 day (I read that days 7 through 10 were the most relaxing). At first, I didn't really know what to do with my phone - it was weird looking at it & not seeing various social media notifications.

My social media detox was enlightening, this is what I learned:

EVERYONE has a book suggestion. It was amazing to me how many people said, "Oh you're giving up social media? You should read this book!" I love reading & I love book suggestions, but why did people think I wouldn't have time to read if I was active on social media? I read a lot regardless of my social media activity. But, nevertheless, I loved the book suggestions & I was surprised at how many people got me & knew what books I would like or what books I needed to read at this point in my life.

Acquaintances still wanted to connect with me. When I posted my goodbye to social media I got direct messages from people who were acquaintances letting me know that they wanted to stay in contact. People started asking me more questions about my personal life, because I wasn't posting anything on social media. In turn, I was also asking more questions of people I came across.

People supported my social media detox. I got a TON of direct messages, likes, & comments supporting my announcement to take a social media detox. When I talked about it in conversation, I was complimented on my strength - which was interesting to me that deactivating Facebook was someone's idea of strength, but I guess that's the world we live in & this detox was a struggle for me.

It's possible to date without social media. Granted, being on Tinder is a fun way to waste some down time, but totally not necessary to date or flirt.

I forgot a friend's birthday! Of course this made me feel like a complete asshole, but without Facebook, I have no clue when most people's birthdays are. This is something I will work on. On the same note, I also forgot about parties. I didn't have Facebook to remind me of those events that I was invited to.

I talked to my friends a lot more! Group chats, text messages, & emails were constantly causing my phone to buzz. I loved it, but I also had an overwhelming amount of guilt if I didn't respond to them right away, which is not good during the work day.

My friends filled my inbox with selfies & I loved it! I know there is a lot of information out there about how people who take a lot of selfies are narcissistic & psychopaths…I'm not really interested in delving into this, but I loved getting those selfies. I loved seeing what my friends looked like each day. In a perfect world, I would get to see them in person each day; since that is not possible, technology has made it possible & I didn't find it narcissistic or psychotic at all. I felt guilty for the asspain they had to go through to save their snapchats & send them to me in a message.

My me-time was very introspective. Without checking social media, my me-time was just that…time to focus on me. This can be both therapeutic & uncomfortable; it definitely took some getting used to.

I was worried about how I would maintain contact with my friend who moved out of the country - we usually talk throughout the day, everyday, on Facebook Messenger. My social media detox forced us to FaceTime more than we normally would (which was nice!), & forced us to email each other more, which meant that we had fewer dumb conversations.

I had a lot more phone conversations, which I found delightful. Phone calls seem like a lost art in this day in age. Granted, it is nice to just text, but then you lose the concept of connecting during a conversation. I liked that my friends would call me on their way home from work, or after a date, or when they were fighting with their roommate & needed to vent. This is a habit I will continue post-detox. 

Overall, did I like my social media detox? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes, but not for a longer amount of time. As cleansing as it felt, I also felt like I was a huge burden on my friends. It was nice to talk to them more than I usually would & through different outlets than I normally would, but it also sucked for them having to remember to message me separately since I wasn't on social media. The detox was a nice reminder of how to be a good friend. L
ikes & comments don't make friendships, connections do. 

Mo Goes...to a relationship expert

One of my bests recently went through a doozy of a breakup. While coping & grieving she came across a dating & relationship expert who offered some pretty unique services. Anita at Relationship Reality 312 (www.relationshipreality312.com) is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, with a million other credentials & qualifications, she even blogs for Millionaire Matchmaker. She offers a Girls Night In where you get a group of your girlfriends together & she provides you with wine, appetizers, & 2 hours of Date Coaching for Singles. It was somewhat personalized towards us, based off information she gathered from a questionnaire that we had to fill out a few days before our session, so she had some background on our relationships. Surprisingly, it only cost $50/person. Considering how much wine & snacks I can get down on, I figured it was a win-win for me. 

I was a little skeptical of this “Date Coaching” but, I am always willing to hear people’s advice on any topic, especially professional advice. To be completely honest, I have daddy issues that I know hinder my relationships with men & I’m always struggling to figure out how to get past those issues. The things I do know are: I am ready for a healthy relationship, I’m not sure if I have realistic expectations, I currently attract the wrong type of men for me, & I don’t have the best models of a healthy marriage (aside from my mom & step-dad who have only been married a year so they don’t count). So why not listen to this woman for a couple hours? What could I lose?

I lost NOTHING! I actually gained a lot from our Girls Night In. A lot of people had been asking me what I learned, so I thought I would summarize it here. It’s surprising how many of my girlfriends were interested in this, even the ones in serious, happy relationships were looking for advice. Since this was a group thing, I will just highlight the main points of the evening. They aren’t specifically related to my relationship plight – just general advice:

Look at dating as a filtering process - you’re figuring out who you want to spend your time with, not thinking about making them work for you or making yourself work for them. No matter how great that date is, there is a high probability that they just aren’t for you; that doesn’t have a negative reflection on either them or you. If one date doesn’t work out, don’t fret, just move on to the next!

You aren’t the only one - you should always assume the person you are dating is dating other people, & you should definitely be dating other people. Until you have the “talk” where you define that you’re exclusive, keep your options open & expect them to do the same. 

5 Love Languages - understanding the 5 love languages help you figure out what you need & what your partner needs in a relationship. You might show your love in one love language, but you need to receive love in a different language than you speak. Or you speak one love language, but your partner needs to receive a different love language. It’s possible to make it work in a relationship with different love language needs, but you need to work hard & have an understanding for what you & your partner need. The 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, & Physical Touch. There’s even websites, books, & blogs solely dedicated to this topic.

There are different reasons to date - not everyone is dating to marry, some people date for knowledge (to figure out what they want), some people date for fun, some people date for just a boyfriend/girlfriend, & others date for marriage. There’s no shame in why you date, but it’s helpful to figure out what your reason is.

Be realistic in your timelines - you really don’t see your partner’s real communication style until 9-12 months into a relationship, so it’s best that you figure out what you need & can provide & be vocal about this from the very beginning.

The amount of love you feel for someone does not indicate how perfect they are for you or how easily your relationship will work. Every relationship takes a lot of hard work. Hollywood has done us an injustice by making it look easy & having everything work with minimal effort. 

I would totally recommend to EVERYONE I know that they have a session with Anita (she has male clients too!). Look her up, check her out, read her blog, call her, see her! She even Skypes if you aren’t in the Chicago area :)

Happy loving...